Friendship, ripped torn and bruised...Nothing much left but pain and hurt...Friendship, a spark of light at the end of the very long tunnel, but could it be the fire that will consume and destroy what is left of something barely able to call friendship? Or could it be the beauty of the warm summer breeze in your face as you finally make it out of the cold hard surroundings...We will see...
- posted by Kai @ 2:14 PM

 
tired...was going to write something but the bed seems so tempting, it draws me near..ah heck I'm taking a nap...
- posted by Kai @ 10:40 AM

 
Crushed by a world so intent on bringing me down the path of its own choosing, torn by the flesh that wants to follow, targeted by the enimy that hunts me as prey...Lifted by the Lord, from which comes all courage strangth and power. And suddenly its not all that bad anymore...
- posted by Kai @ 8:26 PM

 
I wrote this after I read Cheska's tags after I poured my heart out one day on my journal...this is the latest post on kaitime.blogspot.com

Tare at me even more I beg of you, tare at me some more. I plead with you hurt me and call me a liar I plead with you please. Call me a freak call me anything you want, please say your worst. For in the end, it doesn't really matter. I placed my heart on the line and have yet to hear from the people I would consider a friend, that's ok cause this is only the next day...Tare at me, strip me down until there is nothing left I plead...

what I said was true though, and no Cheska you didn't know me for 20 years so you can't speak thinking you did, but hurt me all the same please. No you weren't there when I cried, when I felt so alone every single night, but please continue too think you know me, please continue to destroy me. Yes, I was a nice guy and thank you for thinking so, and yes I am human...Thank you for noticing, yes I do make mistakes...O, sorry, you left that out. Attack me for the mistakes I have made please for I deserve it...Really I do. Yes I lied, yes I cried, I have asked forgiveness and have received none and yet you say I'm the ungodly? But please hurt me more, for I am the disgusting...I am the sick and twisted and yes, although you attack me at every chance please continue to do so because your swaying my heart back to my old self...

I come from a world of pain that YOU DON'T KNOW!!! AND I WILL NOT BACK DOWN BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU THINK!!! You don't know me and you never did...but please, keep telling me you do...

I'm angered and I'm sorry, but please...hurt me more, I ask you to tair me apart as you have been because its working, your making me never want to be the same as I was again so please...cut me down.

I scream out loud and cry at the jabs, only wishing they would stop but please continue to hit harder...I plead for mercy and ley my heart out but please don't hear what I say...I have hurt many before and I will hurt many after, I'm human...don't let that slide...I must be perfect so please whip me into shape. I have changed but please, even though you have yet to actually talk to me even on the phone, you have yet to hear my voice please...take my words and jam them down my neck...

you saw me cry in the back seat of the car, you know I have emotions so please tair at them the most, you obviously where in my mind and knew what I was thinking at the time so please use my thoughts against me too becuase I had sinned the night before, use my sin against me too. Don't leave out any part of this life, this so unperfect life for I am a lier, and a cheat, thank you for alowing me that chance to remember all the things that I am...thank you. I am gratful you care so much for me too tair me down so much thanks.

I am being sarcastic, I am sorry but please use that against me too, don't hold back because I showed a weakness there too...but you don't hate me so I think you. You don't hate me, in fact your a friend...but don't let anything slip my...cut me with the sword of your friendship as well, but where is the line between hate and friendship...I don't know anymore. Use that to distroy what is left of me please...for my emotions mean nothing in this.

If you take joy in all you do, in all you say too me I am glad, for if you wish too have the old Chris back this is the way too do it, to cut me down at every turn and get me to the point of dispair once again...I think you friend. Thank you.

- posted by Kai @ 10:23 AM

 
Friendship, like the feather moves in the breeze I see a friendship flutter in the wind, its ups and downs cause me to become dizzy, the spiraling mess of words combated with more words in a never ending sea of chaos only ended when one gives up his sword in defeat. But in friendship should one have to be subdued by the others blade? Should there be the blood stained air as the feather moves with the uneasy breeze? Isn't this in fact supposed to be the brother pulling the other's blade to his neck saying "kill me, for our friendship means too much too me too fight you" but it seems that the eye of pride learks over us as our swords clash in the dawn, its mouth laughs with an evil grin too it. But the battle goes forward into the hot of the day until the feather is cut from the air and stained red as the bloodlust in the eyes of a once close friend.

-Kai
- posted by Kai @ 11:31 AM